Life is being grand since my birthday... I ran into many friends who I haven't seen in a loooooong time so that was my birthday present <3

But I do have a problem that I have to rant or it could turn bad.

I try my best to make my friends' lives as worry-free when it is in my power and to do that, I need ALOT of patience... and I think that patience is starting to run out for one... I feel like a terrible person just thinking about it. If someone you care about is making an obviously dumb-ass decision one after the other without the slightest comprehension (sp?) of consequences or others' feelings, wouldn't you feel tired? She smokes three packs of cigs a week and if she runs low (5 cigs left in the effin box) she HAS to get more and if she doesn't have money she either borrows it or overdrafts her checkin account instead of making the shit last until she gets paid... which is ALWAYS the next day!!!! over and over again she does this and I'm not her mother so I can't tell her how to do things... and she knows that I can't support this habit without destroying my own morals, yet she still asks me. sigh!
She also has a problem with dating... she doesn't understand that nowadays, women CAN live without havin someone attached to their arm! She does ALOT of internet dating on several sites, talks to so many guys from those sites all at the same time, and then lies to us saying "Oh! I've known this guy since Middle school" or some other BS like that! I don't date because when I was VERY young... I was sexually abused by a member of my "family" and in simple terms, "i never trusted men!" The very idea scares the shit out of me and I'm lost in fear of the memories of when I was a child!

SHE KNOWS THAT I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH DATINg, MUCH LESS WITH SOMEONE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!! YET SHE TRIED TO SET ME UP WITH A DUDE WHO IS HER DUDE'S BROTHER THAT SHE IS TRYING TO HOOK-UP WITH AFTER MEETIN HIM ON A SITE JUST TO GET ON HER DUDE'S GOOD SIDE!!!!! I told her I didn't want to do it yet she kept telling me, "please don't embarass me! I want to be with this guy," SHE HASN'T EVEN SEEN HIM IN PERSON!!!!!!! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! the end result of this shit she always does is she now has 3 stalkers (she didn't wanna hang out with them cuz they didn't wanna eff her!)

sigh! She makes me feel trapped sometimes and I am getting tired of it... but I just suck it up and move on... because I want her to be happy... does that seem selfish of me? I love my friends, I really do... but sometimes I feel I'm being used taken for granted.

Well, I guess I feel a little better now that I was able to tell someone if they are willing to read my problem... and if you are still reading this, thank you.